Que Sera Sera

Well,  after … oh…  a little over 5 months and 7000 miles,  (and 40 blog entries) the trip is winding down.  We didn’t make the ‘North to Alaska’ through Portland journey as originally planned. That trek will have to wait for another time and a larger vehicle (why does Dixie keep saying ” Thank God”, every time we mention that? ).

You don’t return from a lengthy road trip without people to thank…

* * * * Blog News Flash * * * *

Blog #30:  Rocky Start Part 2,  aka…“The Bear Battle”,  was nominated for a Bloggy Award !

It seems that blog vignettes combining references to John Steinbeck  (‘Joad family derelicts’),  children’s songs  (the Hokey Pokey),  a piece of dried  feces caught in the hair under an animal’s tail (dingleberry ),  and characters from animated holiday specials (Yukon Cornelius) are scarce.
* * * * * * * * * *

Now where was I ?? …. right… right… thanking people for their kindness and  hospitality:  The list (anyone I leave out is intentional):

• Douglas & JoAnn  (Phoenix) ** Wii enabled
• Brian & Chelsea [going & coming] (Flagstaff) ** Wii enabled
• Fred & Donna Maasch [going & coming] (Prairie Grove Arkansas)
• Dawn’s sister Dee and her husband Doc (West Fork Arkansas)
• Patrick & Brittany (Virginia)
  • Patrick does not really have a Visitor’s Conduct Agreement (VCA),  at least not before our stay
• Bob and Liz Larkin (Virginia) ** Wii and frozen novelty enabled
• Dawn’s niece Kip and her family (Rochester NY) ** Wii enabled
  • Kip watched all of  Donald’s PhotoShows
• The Utica Couple (Adirondacks)  a Good Samaritan act almost undone by a campground bear

• and to the gentleman working in the toll both at a New Jersey Bridge:  “ Have a good day,  and may you Rot in Hell !! ” (that outburst was probably harsh and unnecessary, but I feel better… so let’s move on )

There were some notable moments which – for whatever reasons -  Donald never worked into the Blog:

• Bombarded by desert bill boards for Squawker’s Chicken at Stuckey’s, I succumbed and stopped to get some chicken strips for lunch. I asked the woman working the counter if the strips were really Squawkers, her reply… ” Honey, the only thing Squawking around here is me !! ”
• 
  
• The first morning after arriving in Prairie Grove,  Doc notices we  have a flat tire.  Further inspection reveals that not only is the tire flat, but the pin-thinga-majiggy in the valve stem was missing !!  (please forgive the technical jargon) – which we found about 6 feet away on the sidewalk.
  • I had never heard of this happening before
  • didn’t know there was a special tool for fixing it
  • can’t imagine why anyone would own such a tool
  • Dawn’s Dad had one in his garage

• At a hotel’s complimentary breakfast in West Texas,   a young man came over to our table asking if he could lay hands on me and pray for my condition.  (This has so many promising story lines,  hard to believe it got left out.)
• Our very first night camping… taking the tent out of the box and setting it up for the first time… as it was getting dark of course. An 0lder couple strolling through the campground, noticed our struggle and asked if we needed any help.  I declined with my standard “thanks, but that would take the fun out it” line.  They laughed and continued their walk…but came back by about an hour or so  later – we were eating by then… and struggling to keep a fire going  – they  waved  saying… “just wanted to make sure you were doing alrighit”.

That was the kind of people we met on the trip, well except for that guy in the New Jersey toll booth… okay Donald… let it go…  let it go…

P2P: Deus ex Machina

**** Blog Reset  ****

Falling for the “Dead Nose Virus” scam,  the Grishams allow Dixie  to be abducted – by whom and for what purpose is unclear.

Using K2′s animal rescue connections,  Donald and Doc ( his enigmatic brother-in-law)  spend several days in the Ozarks searching for Dixie.

What they find  is a military-style compound holding hundreds of animals, including a weakened malnurished Dixie.

Fashioning a sled out of old boards and a blanket they begin dragging Dixie uphill to the car when (1) Armed Guards surged out of the Compound  (2) A Horrific Thunderstorm began pounding the Ozarks.

Dixie finds the strength to rise  and fight beside Donald,  as they make their stand.  The first shot has been fired, disppearing into the storm with Donald’s hat.

****  End of Blog Reset  ****

( I’m not a guy who puts much  credence in miracles…. but sometimes things happen which make you wonder…)

“Donald is that you ?… Sorry Brudder, I can’t see much in this storm”

“Sissy  ????  What are you doing here, and did  you just almost kill me ?”

” I said I was  sorry….  Dawn said you and Dixie were in trouble, so…if you’ll  point out  who I should  be  firing  at… we’ll get you guys out of here”

‘Okay. How about anyone coming up the hill”

Just then we heard a small explosion  and a missile flew by us knocking several of the guards off their feet, sliding in the  mud back down the hill.  No, not a missile… but a potato ??

“That was for Dixie…you mercenary bastards…. there’s  plenty more where that came from !!”

The STUMPS ?!?!

“We can’t stay long, Donald…I’m about to be a Grandpa you know.   How about the punch I added to  the latest Potato Gun…those guys will be out for hours.”

“Ron, tell him about the RV,, he’ll love that”

“Alright Kim… give  me a minute, we’re in a shoot-out here you know”

[ Hey... someone didn't ask me to not use their real names - well Kim asked me  not to mention their dog's name ]

“Ron, what are you guys doing here ?”

“Dawn and  K2 said you and Dixie were in trouble…we’d have been here sooner, but Kim missed the old guy in the Yellow Hat.”

Kim gives Ron ‘The Look‘…  “Ron,  I told you…he wasn’t wearing it…really Donald,  he wasn’t wearing the hat!”

Ron rolls his eyes. “anyway,  Donald  let me show you the RV.  Its a prototype  my company is developing for HomeLand Security.  We’re calling it “The War Wagon” ,  from the John Wayne, Kirk Douglas movie.”

Kim, shivering; “Ron, I’m  going in… its too wet and muddy out here,  but tell Donald what I call it.”

Ron presses a button on his key ring and a ramp extends from the RV;  “She calls it the  Willy Wonka-Mobile,  this vehicle is incredible Donald… it has this new Super All Wheel Drive…. Medical Slide-Outs…Satellite Weather monitoring and Eye-in-the-Sky Video Displays…. it will go Amphibious… oh… and get this… I can call  for a couple of Predator Drones to strafe the hell out of these guys!”

Ron presses another button and the RV engine starts roaring; “I had it in Stealth  Mode…Kim’s  right,  lets  get everyone inside and finish these guys off”

[ at this point I'm wondering when the Cheshire Cat and Mad Hatter are going to show up ]

“Okay Ron… lets see this Beast of yours in Action…. hey….  where’s my sister… Doc…Dixie…. where did they go… DOC… DIXIE !?!?  “

[ Damn... now what's happened? ]

Ron pressed yet another button…and the RV revealed a Flood Light Array, illuminating  the hill top.

Then, as if on cue…. looking like that famous picture from the Revolutionary War of the 3 marching soldiers;  2 drumming,  1 carrying the American Flag…  Doc,   Dixie,  and Sissy emerged out of the shadows.

“Hey Wyatt”, Doc shouted, shielding his eyes…. “Will you ask that guy with the fancy Lunch Wagon to lower the  wattage?”

“Doc… where did you guys go…  what happened?”

“Well Butch,  while you guys were playing with your Tonka Trucks….Calamity Jane – “

“That’s my new name”,  Sissy interjected

“…Calamity Jane and this Special Dog of yours…..we  slipped down the hill. First we gained control of  the command  center with some  of CJ’s Fancy Shooting…”

“Thank you Doc’,  Sissy was beaming

“… and a  few Tear Gas Grenades…..then we watched Dixie chase the guards on this hill into the woods”

Doc started laughing, “You should  have seen it Wyatt….they wanted no part of her… they scattered  like… how does that Johnny Horton  song go ? ….they ran through the briars, they ran through the brambles, they ran through the bushes where the rabbits couldn’t go,  they ran so fast that the hounds couldn’t catch ‘em, down the Mississippi to the Gulf  of Mexico…. this is one special dog.”

Sissy jumped in, “Donald…Sissy needs to eat!, shooting always makes me hungry.  Do they have any food in there…or do I have to go  find a buffet?”

Ron  nodded, “You bet… we installed the Rachel Ray Add-on Package, we can fire up anything you want.”

****   Aftermath    ****

Sissy was fed.  The Local Authorities started rounding up the remaining mercenaries at large. K2 showed up to inventory the animals at the compound. Dawn and  Kim gave Dixie the care and pampering she deserved. Doc was working on  embellishing the story,  so as to birth his Legend.

Ron and  I went through the Compound’s Computer Systems to discover who was behind these animal abductions and for what  purpose. What we uncovered was incredible…

“Ron… did you show Donald the RV’s upgraded Wii Gaming System ? “

Excuse me… I’ll have to save those revelations for another blog….

P2P: Noah’s Ozarks ??

After being  off-line for the past 3 or 4 days;  Doc  and  I might  be back in business.  Expanding on an  idea from  Bill Nye the Science Guy… TV Show…

I’ve strapped a solar charged power inverter to my left leg. Connected it to the tablet notebook  on my back.  Which is running Voice-to-Text  software…. beaming and auto-publishing my dictation directly to  the blog.

Now,  I really am a Voice in the Wilderness !! -  only a couple of  drawbacks so far: (1) the V2T is not always accurate   (2)  the only return communication is through electric pulses – i.e.. morse code dots & dashes – to the inverter on my leg.

I’m  worried about Doc,  afraid he’s picked up some viral malady.  He still knows what we’re doing, but insists on calling me Wyatt, Butch, or Sundance.  I don’t know him very well… maybe he’s just goofy.

We’ve  worked our way south from Fayetteville, down Pig Trail… concentrating now on the western edge of Lake Dardanelle.  Local anecdotes have been accurate enough to keep our hopes up.  Although we’re no closer to figuring out why Dixie was  taken.

“Doc, What the hell are you doing… get down from there”… I swear to God, if he’s chasing a raccoon again…

“False alarm Butch,  just a raccoon”

“For Chrissakes Doc, that’s the third time tod-”

Receiving leg pulses…”Doc lets go man… get in the car.. K2 or Dawn have new info… sending us location…. c’mon man… let’s go!”

“Okay Wyatt I’m in… what’s your leg saying?”

“Shhh…. okay, okay… its Bull, no wait…no… its Blue Mountain; can you punch that into the GPS?”

“Already  there Butch…. just a few miles…take the first right  after we pass an old guy wearing a yellow hat.”

“Doc…. a GPS doesn’t give  directions like that”

“Mine does”

“No Doc, I’m telling you man… they don’t. How could they possibly – “

“Butch, Butch… slow down… there’s the yellow hat… turn right..take  the next right.   That’s pretty cool isn’t it? – Hey they talking to your leg again?”

“Yes, darn I’m still having trouble with this coding.   Its K2, she’s either located Dixie, or the closest Dairy Queen.”

“Damn Wyatt, that’s a Win-Win… Wyatt, why are we stopping?”

“Tell me what you make of that Doc, down in that valley. Grab the binoculars will you?”

“Here you go, Sundance, but I don’t need them to tell you… this is the place. There’s about 300 animals…all domesticated  looks like….with what … about a dozen visible sentries…. so figure at least 50 or so total. And  I’d say, that fence around the compound is at least 15 feet high.  You spot anything I missed?”

“Uhhh  no Doc, what you said looks good to me. Lets go find a land line phone and get the authorities out here.”

“No…. not yet  Butch…if they even smell a  sheriff ,  they might start killing animals or blow the  whole compound to smithereens. Besides, we came to get Dixie… let’s do it.”

“Okay Doc, I’m with you, but how are going to find her… your GPS do that too?”

“This isn’t a joking situation, Butch. These aren’t farm boys stealing dogs…this is like a military outpost. Those guys  down there are trained…they kno-”

“Okay, Okay…. you’re right…. so…what do we do… wait until it gets dark?”

“No, no way – they’ll be better equipped  with night vision gear than we ever could be… no… we need to get her out of there before it gets dark…..Butch… watch out…this hill is steep. Either of us tumble down this hill, we’re both quickly dead.”

“I’m being careful…still… how are going to find Dixie among hundreds of other animals. If I call her… aren’t we both just as quickly dead?”

“We’re counting on tendencies here;  (1) Dixie is the kind of dog who gives them no trouble, so she probably has run of the grounds. (2) Dixie likes to sleep with her back against something… and its cool out… so… (3)  she’ll be looking for afternoon sun. The only spot along the fence with sun…is about 100 yards to our left. That’s where we’re going first.”

“Damn Doc, you sound like you know what you’re doing”

“Isn’t that why you brought me along?”

“No, you were the only guy I knew with a 4wd SUV.”

“I’ll remember that, wait here….”

<thud> <snap> <ooooffff>

“okay Butch let’s  go….. shouldn’t be anyone watching this fence section now”

“Doc.. hey Doc…what’d you just do back there….”

“Took out a couple of perimeter posts. This isn’t as well trained an operation as I first thought. Stashing sentries along the brush line is old school.  Hey Wyatt…isn’t that Dixie lying in the fence corner?”

“Oh my God… Doc… look at her…. she looks terrible…. she can barely lift her head to look at us…Doc,  she’s been beaten… give me one of the guns you just got… give me a gun… these bastards are going to pay….with some of their blood.”

“Here… Butch..take this gun… but keep your cool and save your vengeance for another time, with better odds. Dammit, didn’t count on her not being able to run with us; we”ll have to drag her….I saw some pallet boards coming down the hill…. we’ll make a drag sled out of that…. you know the ones I’m talking about?”

“Yeah, I think so… can you get her out of  the fence?”

“Sure… I’ll get her out… but Sundance…. remember, don’t shoot anyone….. yet”

*  * * *

“Dawn, K2… if you’re still out there…. I know Doc is right…. we need to concentrate on getting – ughghgh… Darn these boards are hard to break… we need to get Dixie out of here. But it looks like she hasn’t been fed for several days or longer.   - Christ,  theses boards are heavy too…”

“Doc.. Doc… got the pallet board…. found a blanket too…. how’s  Dixie?

“Not good,   she’s weak…tried to crawl out ,  but couldn;t… lets put her on the blanket, gonna be tough going back up that hill….

“I’ve got her leash… we can use that to tie around our waist and attach it to our improvised sleigh gurney”

“”Right… okay good idea… lets go…double time it !!!”

<huff> < puff> <uggh>  <ooohhhhhh>  ”Doc, I hear them yelling… how many are chasing us”

“About 15,   its going to be close…Dammit… is  that rain?, we;re not going to make it Wyatt. We’re not going to make it.”

“Lets get as close to top as we can…. damn it Doc!!. ..its storming  ,can you hear me ?  Doc, DOC!!!!…..help me  get Dixie to the car..”

GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…….

“Dixie,  come back….DIXIE…..DOC ,  DIXIE TOOK OFF  – DAMN THIS STORM- DOOOCCCCCC !!!!!!”

“We’re here Butch, she’s up  and  ready for some payback!”

“Dixie…no….she’s too weak…Doc, Doc….what are you grinning about?”

“Wyatt…THIS IS HOW LEGENDS ARE BORN ….  IN A HOWLING WIND  AND  BLINDING SHEETS OF RAIN….TWO EXHAUSTED MEN AND THEIR WEAKENED WOUNDED DOG… MAKE A STAND  AGAINST  OVERWHELMING ODDS!!  “

[ then the first bullet  ripped the hat off my head....I watched it  disappear into the storm.... ]

P2P: Quest in the Mid-West

Finally found a CampSite with power & water hook-ups,  so I can broadcast the course of events – in case I don’t make … well,  just in case.

As we crossed the rest of Ohio, after touring the Cat’s Meow Village,   and drove into Indiana… Dixie was out of  sorts.   Little appetite or thirst,  lethargic… not even interested  in chasing her tennis balls.

When this persisted through the whole day,  we grew concerned.  Stopping for  the night near Evansville -  around 4pm,  early for us –  we asked around at the hotel for information on any Veterinarians or Animal Clinics in the area.

A housekeeper  just finishing her shift  and heading out, gave us the name of a clinic which she thought  might still be open. We looked up the phone number, called… and got the okay to bring Dixie over.

After about a 20 minute or so, preliminary check-over by the  intern or assistant, Dixie was taken back into the examination room. We waited  nervously for another hour -  maybe longer -  until the vet asked us to come into his  office.

Pressing us for details on where exactly we had been traveling  and Dixie’s recent diet,  he finally came to the point;

“We’ve seen  this before, usually with families and pets going through the Pocono’s…  which you just skirted.  We believe your  dog -  Dixie? -  has picked up a virus which has left her ‘Nose Dead’ .   Meaning she is unable to pick–up or discriminate scents.  That is  severely damaging – physically & emotionally -  especially for a breed like Golden Retrievers.”

” I don’t want to alarm you, actually this seems like a mild case… but I would like to give her a couple of shots… get some food in her and watch her overnight.  We can call you first thing in the morning… just make sure my assistant has the hotel’s number.”

Back at the hotel… we ate some dinner, and discovered we each had some nagging doubts that something just didn’t feel right.  Dawn called back to San  Diego to one of her friends  who works  with animals – she asked us to not use her real name,  so I’ll call her K2;  who upon listening to Dawn describe what the Vet told us…. reacted so strongly, I could hear her from across the room!

“Nose Dead?…Are you two BRAiN DEAD ?!?… This guy is either a quack or a crook… GET DIXIE OUT OF THERE, NOW !!”

Jumping into the car, we pulled into the clinic’s  parking lot just as Dixie was being loaded into a van. I got out of the car… (damn me..  why didn’t I ram into the van… I should have crashed into the van)… and  pounded on the driver’s door; “Hey… give me my dog,  hey Hey  HEY… stop and give me my dog!!”

The driver gunned the engine and squealed out the driveway, scraping me off at the “Right Turn Only” sign. Dawn was able to get the License Plate, and I had a good look at the driver.

A phone call to the Police,  firm questioning of the housekeeper, and contacting Animal Protection groups… painted a somber picture. Dixie had been abducted by a dog-stealing ring, although for what purpose no one knew, and was most likely headed for Arkansas, but no one could be sure.

That brings us up to tonight. Dawn is at her folks place in Prairie Grove, Arkansas; coordinating information exchange  between City, State, & National organizations.

Me ?  I’m sitting in an Ozark’s campground with Dawn’s  Sister’s Husband  (he also asked to keep his real name private, so I’ll call him ‘Doc‘). Trying to control my emotions and stay focused. But it really all comes down to this….

someone has Dixie… (why didn’t I crash into the van?)… and someone is going to pay.

P2P: Wooster

Yes, that is really the name of this Ohio town, which is home to the Cat’s Meow Village. What is Cat’s Meow ?  Well…..

They are little wood block buildings,  no… that’s not correct. They are wood pieces painted with the outline of public buildings….no, that’s not really correct either… let’s see what their website has to offer:

“Collectible Miniature  Handcrafted Buildings and Accessories which are Replicas of actual places  and  Historic Landmarks”

Well I was pretty close.  Anyway,  about 10 years  ago these Cat’s Meow collectibles were Red Hot and Rolling.  The company was poised on the verge of cracking into the Forbes 100.

Now,  they are on life support… their pulse maintained by a Government Bail-Out.  The Buzz on the Street is that the current First Lady is a collector.

Dawn toured the facility this morning and when the staff met Dixie they got very excited.  They want to use her likeness to introduce a new line of replicas, trying to revitalize the collectible industry.

Their Graphics people drew some  sketches and took photographs from several different angles. They are also considering sponsoring a Contest to Name the new Replica  Line.

I offered a few suggestions: Dixie’s Delights,  It’s a Dog’s Life,   Golden Generations

They thanked me for coming by.

The only other notable of the day was stopping  at a roadside orchard and trying a new apple variety -  The Zestar.  Developed by the  University of Minnesota.  It was bred to be an early season apple,  able to  survive in colder northern climates.

The Zestar has a firm crisp texture and a tartish-sweet flavor.  It gets the Grisham Gazette Seal of Approval.

P2P: Canton

Awoke  with an epiphany this morning… Cleveland is in Ohio !  well wait…okay, that was not the insight..I knew that. BUT… I didn’t know it was within an hour or so of the FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME !!!! in Canton Ohio.

*** BLOG REWIND *** BLOG REWIND *** BLOG REWIND

In the fog of yesterday’s fatigue  I forgot to mention that on the way out of New York  state we saw a sign for…. are you ready for this …. a Bocce Ball Tournament !

I made it into the 3rd Round before  elimination and picked up yet another nickname… “Palomino’ … for my incorrect terminology of the   ‘Pallino’,  the smaller white  target ball.

Now,  where was I ???….oh right… Canton and the Hall of Fame.  As with Cooperstown… it was better than I expected. Spent about 3 hours and could easily have taken most of the day.

Numerous displays of artifacts and audio/video exhibits. One of the simplest and most interesting is Jim Thorpe’s.  I knew he was called “The Legend“  and was considered one of the most versatile atheletes of any era… playing pro football,  pro baseball, and a 1912 Olympic Champion; but check out some of these statistics… he was a 1-man  track team.

• 100 yard dash – 10 seconds
• 220 yds   -  21.8  sec
• 440 yds  -  51.8  sec
• 880  yds -  1:57
• Mile  -   4:35
• Long Jump – 23 ft  6 in
• High Jump -  6 ft  5 in
• Pole Vault -  11 ft
• Javelin -  163 ft
• Discus  -  136 ft
• Shot Put  -  47 ft  9 in

Some amazing stuff… especially for 1912 !!

Once again,  touring by myself…made for few arguments. But even I’m not goofy enough to antagonize Raider Fans. and the only Redskins and Steelers  Fans I came across were actually rational.

Now,  if I had  only thought to look for the Basketball HoF while in Massachusetts… I could have pulled off the 1 Trip Hat Trick !!

P2P: Give my regards to Broadway

We left Kip’s  a little later this morning than originally planned. I was getting in a final workout on their Wii game system and she was fixing eggs and sausage for us and her 2 boys… Mip1 & Mip2.

We took the NY  Throughway to Buffalo; you get a card as you drive onto the Throughway which tells you how much it costs to get off at each exit. In this case  it cost $2 to get to Buffalo, and another $3 to reach the state line.

It was a slow day for excitements:

(1) driving along lake Erie, we stopped at a park w/beach access to let Dixie do some splashing around, but with the sand littered with dead fish… we did not stay long.

(2)  The gas gauge is working differently. I’m guessing when the Speculator Mechanics installed the new Fuel Filter and Pump, they must have had to move the gas tank, changing the location of the sensor. (or maybe not, what do I know?)

Dead Fish and Gas Gauge Dynamics…. check my pulse…. I don’t want to get over-stimulated.

Drove through Northern Pennsylvania into Ohio… spending the  night in the Cleveland area.

Man, I must be tired.. didn’t even try to turn the dead fish into an Amish plot to destroy the tourist industry in the Region.

P2P: If it’s Saturday, where are we ??

While Dawn is off day-tripping with Kip, lets take a moment to address the  comments and/or complaints that I have littered the blog with dangling threads.

So… in no particular order:

Did you ever see a Moose, and was it loose ?
No, unfortunately we did not get an  opportunitiy to view a Moose

What happened to Donald, after he escaped from Patrick’s Prank/Scheme to put Donald in the Hole?
The resolution of  “Where’s Waldo”  is being withheld.  Ken Burns an Michael J. Fox have expressed an interest in using the story as a segment in their next PBS Special.

Why was Dawn unconscious for 2 days ?
If you are familiar with the sunfire’s trunk, you know it has a low ceiling.  At the “Bikers for Zion” Rally in Lancaster, PA, – while I was participating in the  singing competion – she banged her head…. in the same spot – for about the 17th time on this trip…. and dropped  to the ground, cold stone out.

When she came too…. she seemed to believe she was someone else.   An Heiress to a famous wine making family, who traveled the world solving crimes which stump the local authorities.  Picture… “Jessica Fletcher” meets “The Thin Man”

So, strictly speaking… she was not unconscious, but the Doctor felt she should be kept  sedated until the swelling in her brain went down.

What happened to the car, forcing you to rent scooters ?
Ahhh.. our inability to find any… ANY… available rooms from Cape Cod to Boston precipitated the Double Wall / Double Melt-Down… during which Dawn  grabbed the steering wheel, screaming… “We’re stopping RIGHT NOW, Palsy Pete”  (I thought that was a bit harsh and  unnecessary).

As she jerked and twisted the steering wheel…. the car became Mike Conley the Olympic Triple Jumper: we  Hopped off the road, Skipped down an embankment and Jumped a fence… landing Splat in a cranberry bog.

As we gently settled to a stop and cranberries floated past the windows, I called AAA for service… (“You’re Where??”)….and turned to Dawn… “Nicely done, at least  we  won’t have to worry about lacking anti-oxidants for awhile“   her reply is  unprintable.

P2P: Niagara

Dawn’s niece  -  she has asked me to not use her real name, so we’ll call her Kip – was kind enough to drive us to Niagara Falls. I had never been there.

However, shortly after arriving….she and  her aunt – conspiring with their new lovers -  attempted to kill me and her husband by flinging us over the Falls. 

Their mad scheme was foiled when Kip’s husband and I slipped out of the Yellow Rain Ponchos which are handed out… just as the would-be murderers  tried to shove us down the cliff face.

Confronted, the two awkward assassins ran an hid in the gift shop, while the women feigned  ignorance and innocence.

[ Excuse the interruption, this is the Word Press Content Moderator. dgrish has been warned about these excessive ... shall we say... flourishes ??  What he  just described is roughly the plot of the 1953 Marilyn Monroe film, Niagara.  dgrish, please keep your blog entries more factual. This is your 2nd warning ]

Uhhh, as I was saying, Kip was kind enough to drive us to Niagara Falls. We spent the day on the Canadian side, which seems to offer the best view of all three falls. (American, Bridal Veil, and Horse Shoe)

While the parking was expensive, the weather was pleasant and the Falls were more impressive and eye-catching than I expected. Especially  Horse Shoe.

We ended the day by taking the Maid of the Mist boat ride, which takes you so deep into the Falls, that the force of the water rushing down the cliffs makes it physically difficult to breathe.

For  several minutes you are being battered by the winds, drenched by the spray, and surrounded by rainbows; in the water, sky, almost anywhere  you looked.

Pretty Darn Cool….

P2P: Cooperstown

For the most part,  an uneventful normal day. Left the  KOA campground around noon – oh, I did receive a notification that I have been banned from all New York State Parks; camping and day use. The reason given was “Wildlife Humiliation”. I guess I damaged the bear’s self esteem.

It was about a dozen miles into Cooperstown NY  home to the Baseball of Fame;  and somehow we made it there before dark.  The HoF is a neat place, I spent about 3 hours or so wandering around the exhibits. 

Touring by myself – no Douglas, David, or Patrick to argue with,  I had to settle for bantering with a couple of obnoxious Red Sox and Cub fans.

The first encounter took place at the Jim Rice display. They opined – very loudly of course -  that it was about time Rice was voted into the HoF.  Well I couldn’t let that pass unchallenged and offered my opinion that while Rice was a very good player,  he was a marginal HoF candidate and should feel fortunate he was enshrined.

Oh man, I got buffeted with a torrential backlash!

“What are you talking about, Who let you in here… is it fieldtrip day from the asylum,  What are you a Yankee’s fan,  Where you from anyway you idiot… San Diego…SAN-LAST PLACE-DIEGO???… Come back and talk to us when you get a real team” – there was at least 5 minutes more of this… but it never got any more clever,  just louder and vulgar.

I ran into this same group maybe oh… 45 minutes later at one of the Chicago Cubs exhibits. This time I interrupted their conversation with the observation that Ryne Sandberg should be thanking his lucky stars just as much as Jim Rice.

Whoa !! – move the women and children to safety… there’s a storm brewing!!

“what,  you again, what is your problem Piss for  Brains [I was a bit confused by that phrase, but oh well]  why don’t you go hang out at the Tony – worthless singles – Gwynn corner… I hear there’s plenty of room, yeah no crowds there….[ I attempted to point out that Tony Gwynn had 8 batting titles]  Keep your mouth shut [shoving me backwards]  I’m Sick of you and your garbage,  How about we go outside and see if you can take a Hall of Fame Beating… [as I was about to ask if by any chance they rode motorcycles]  Hey HEY, before we shut your stupid-ass remarks for good,  You got anyone else  who is margarine ”  [ I know, I didn't quite follow all that either]

“Just the most obvious”  I replied  ”Eddie Murray”

“Hell Yeah… you nailed that one… what a joke that selection was, for sure he’s pissing margarine [I started to explain its "marginal', but decided why bother]  hey, HEY…maybe you’re okay, Diego…how about you join us for a beer  when we get out  of here?”

Since I don’t  drink beer,  I suggested frozen novelties…my treat.  That resulted in blank stares….sigh… graciously declined their offer,  met Dawn & Dixie at the car and drove to Rochester to spend the night with Dawn’s niece….arriving about 10pm.